Exotic Flowers in Boston

Yes, you can send flowers to private funeral services. During the COVID-19 quarantine, services are now limited to ten people. Often you will notice an obituary or listing that mentions services are private. In efforts to maintain social distancing, these notices are posted.

Flowers connect us. They share emotions. 

At the height of quarantine, we reached out to our local funeral homes. Davis Funeral Home in Roxbury and Mattapan, Doherty  and Lawler Funeral Homes in West Roxbury, Mann and Roger Funeral Home in Jamaica Plain and Russo Funeral Home in Roslindale have been serving our community for decades. They know the importance of flowers at a funeral and how much flowers help ease grieving. We are indebted their full commitment as neighborhood institutions. 

Suggesting donations 'in lieu of flowers' for a funeral is an affront to the living. Sending flowers is an expression that helps the living grieve, a fundraiser does not. Better wording; "In addition to flowers, cards or expressions of care, donations can be made to..."

I tweeted this the other day. While it was received quite well, Twitter inevitably finds someone who will disagree. 

e.g.,

Tbd

@jmGreekwedding

"Wildly self serving tweet advising others how to deal with loss"

 

and my reply. My role as a florist has bestowed that responsibility upon me. The 'Emotional Impact of Flowers' studies by Rutgers and Harvard offers proof that flowers given and received help the grieving process. Thank you for your feedback.

 

 

When a loved one passes away, it is a trying time for all family and friends to grieve for their loss.  The ceremonies following the death can be unbearably stressful for those who must make the arrangements such as burial, cremation and funeral services and can result in conflict between relatives regarding how the process should be run.  Since we all come from a multitude of different backgrounds, ethnicities, religions and preferences, appeasing everyone can be extremely difficult when executing a proper memorial.

One issue that seems to be a popular conflict is whether or not to include flowers in the ritual.  Two reasons why a funeral often rejects the acceptance is because some feel gifting a basket of blooms is unnecessary or others believe a small token should be instead given to the charity of the family’s choice.  Supporting the financial administration of non-profit organization in memory of those who have past is a sweet idea but did you know that only 5% of people in attendance actually donate to the cause at all?  It’s human nature to want to do something for those in pain, particularly during a time of mourning but what we’re missing here is the actual event of gathering supporters and comforting one another.  

Eliminating flowers from the funeral procession can actually work against family and guests as well as substantiate a cold and negative platform- a message that most hosts do not want to encourage.  Allowing visitors to add bright colors of blooms in baskets, vases and other memorial pieces boosts a feeling of soothing and solace instead of the rigidity of simply placing a casket in the middle of the room.  The shock of this can also be alarming to many people who are anxious in this type of situation thus permitting them to send flowers can be a wonderful way to ease discomfort.  Places where funerals occur are generally dark and gloomy places so integrating arrangements that elevate joy and cheerfulness is an excellent strategy to make the occasion easier for all to experience.

If you’re wondering what appropriate floral pieces might be, look over these beautiful examples of proper blossom etiquette when enduring the loss of a loved one.

Funeral Wreaths are usually covered with varieties such as roses and carnations and are typically placed right next to the casket and moved to the gravesite for the burial.  

Casket Covers are designed to be long and flat and can consist of whatever flowers you prefer although lilies, roses and hydrangea seem to be the most popular.  Customarily, guests will take a single stem from the display and place it over the casket as a sentiment to the deceased.

Memorial arrangements can be similar to everyday bouquets in vases and range from pastel mixtures to bright pops of color.  Pieces are usually sent to the funeral home and displayed in the lobby for the wake and moved later for the actual funeral.  

Attending a funeral is a trial and tribulation for most because of the task of having to say goodbye to a loved one.  Being from Boston, I’ve attended a wide variety of different events honoring the dead and have learned about hundreds of different ways to celebrate and grieve over the loss of friends and family.  Boston is a melting pot for different traditions and customs, which is why it’s such a wonderful place to live.  You might think it was always this way but in actuality, funeral processions were administered in a very specific way back in Victorian Times.  After researching this topic a bit, I was a little surprised by the rigidness of the occasion and the strict template that grievers were expected to follow.  While we typically choose traditions that exemplify the celebration of one’s life, in other times, this wasn’t always the case.  Take a look at these fascinating rites and rituals associated with Victorian funerals and the rules you were meant to follow.   

1. When a person died, people were asked to stop their clocks at the exact time of death and not restart them until after the funeral.  This made attending anything on time in the next 3-4 days nearing impossible!
2. Wreaths were hung on the outside of doors usually constructed out of laurel leaf and decorated with a black ribbon.  Veils were also hung on mirrors to both block the corpse’s spirit from escaping through the glass and to deny death an entryway into the house.
3. “Waking” did not start off as the predecessor event for funerals as it does here back in Victorian times.  While we usually hold this occasion for friends and family to view the body in privacy, waking was originally termed to mean the body had to be watched in a home until the actual funeral was held.  It was popular belief that the spirit could escape if not watched twenty-four hours a day before burial.
4. Flowers and candles are usually thought of as enhancements for funerals but back in the day, they were utilized to block putrid scents of decaying flesh.  The smell of a three-day-old corpse could be so stagnant that flowers and aromatic candles were placed around the body to mask some of the odor.
5. Kids usually think that “Saved By The Bell” means you’re let off the hook in a due to the distraction of a school bell but really, the term was coined to alert caretakers of a premature guest in a coffin!  Yup, a bell was placed on top of coffins to signal a person who hadn’t really died but was instead sick or in a coma.  It was their luckiest day of their life if they woke up in time and could make enough movement to sound the alarm above.  

Flowers are a customary tradition when planning a funeral and are often one of the happier highlights to the event because of their ability to soothe onlookers with their beauty and aroma.  Quite often, you’ll notice arrangements in baskets given by friends and family, pulpit arrangements and of course, the casket covers designed in a variety of different ways.  Sometimes relatives decide to have flower arrangements reflect a personality trait or a favorite color and other times there is a religious connection to the selected blooms.  Florists also have their favorites, which are often an assortment of chrysanthemums, roses and lilies.  One reason is due to their easy, availability from wholesalers year round and the second relies on the symbolic meaning they reflect when utilized in funeral pieces.

Certain blossoms hold certain meanings when it comes to funerals and each can represent a particular thought, feeling or sentiment that grievers wish to express.  If you’ve never heard of this practice than you’ll want to learn more about the flowers your sending and the messages they’re conveying!  Here is a list of the most popular varieties of funeral flowers used in the northeast and their meaning when implemented on this occasion.  

Roses

Roses are the single most requested variety used in funeral pieces because they’re large enough to take up space, strong enough to last most temperatures for the duration of the occasion, highly fragrant and have a unique meaning according to each shade chosen.  Yellow is typically the sign for friendship while pink pays homage to remembrance and kindness.  Red is probably the most universal for funerals because it symbolizes grief and love and white transcribes as purity, innocence and everlasting bonds.

Chrysanthemums

Chrysanthemums (or otherwise known as spider mums and pom poms) are the oldest variety connected with funeral flowers with the exception of roses.  As they are usually relatively inexpensive, they have a substantial head that allows designers to easily create casket covers and other larger pieces for the ceremony or gravesite.  These flowers also hold a strong significance within many religions and emphasize the idea of “rebirth” and “heaven” in many cultures around the world.

Lilies

When it comes to funerals, lilies have a bad wrap and it’s mainly due to its pungent smell that can fill an entire room.  Wildly popular with undertakers and funeral directors, these star-like flowers make a grand presence because of their size and shape as well as emit a reflection of “grace” and “angelica”.  The bloom also holds a direct connection to the Christian religion where it is believed that grievers filled the Virgin Mary’s tomb with pure white stems of lilies.  Unfortunately, many people link the flower’s appearance and scent to death and are sometimes rejected by those who become upset by the association.    

There are flowers for all occasions.  Some are happy, some are sad and some are given with the intent of remembrance.  During these times when we select pieces to honor those we have lost, many look for blooms, which reflect memories of their spirit, hoping to feel once again connected to those who are gone.  Memorial urns, cascades and plants are placed to signify our love and admiration at the sites of their burial for this reason.  We seek to select arrangements that will not only signify our emotion but also withstand the natural outdoor elements that are accustomed to cemeteries and graveyards.  How do we choose remembrance arrangements that are beautiful but will hold up for an elongated time outside?  Here are a few popular floral ideas that will satisfy both the demands of eye appeal and longevity for your loved ones memorial sites.

Long lasting flowers are some of the more popular choices for this type of occasion.  While no blossom is immune to death, there are varieties that will outlive some of the more delicate picks.  Lilies for example, are excellent because of the boldness of their flower’s head and their ability to last for longer than a week depending on the freshness of the stems.  Special species in the lily family, which make great solutions for memorial vases, are Asiatic lilies, known to be grown in bright colors as well as possess strong chutes enabling a longer length of service and calla lilies that boast an elegant white cone shaped face.  

Another type of flower high in demand by funeral specializing florists are in the tropical family with options of birds of paradise, ginger and dendrobium orchids.  Highly branded as strong and almost indestructible (again, make sure you are purchasing the products from a reputable wholesaler with high quality and fresh inventory), their durability and exotic presentation keep this variety on the most wanted list for this type of floral work.  Tropicals are easily mixed with one another and look favorably with other tropical greens including bamboo and hosta leaves.  Don’t be intimidated by a slight increase in cost, their beauty and perpetual ability to outlast other common stems of roses and carnations will leave funeral goers in awe of the design work.

You can’t talk about the options of memorial flowers without mentioning the use of silk flowers within this segment of the flower business.  Un-beloved by all, they do offer the indestructible feature of not being alive and the fact that contemporary manufacturers have made silks a lot more attractive and life like.  Varieties that have ranked among the higher desired for funeral pieces are oncidium, pussy willow and forsythia branches.  If you’re not a huge fan of this material, there is no law stopping designers from intertwining real flowers with the fake.  Peonies, iris and chrysanthemums can add an authentic appeal to urns when paired with quality silk accessories.  Onlookers will love the depth of color and be none the wiser that the piece contains faux stems of flowers. 

Whether you visit Forest Hills Cemetery in Boston to visit E.E. Cummings' grave  or Fairview Cemetery in Hyde Park to visit Boston Mayor Thomas Menino's grave, make sure you bring flowers.

Suzie Canale

Westwood, MA

Suzie lives in Westwood, MA with her family. She works at the Westwood Public Library, has published four children's books and is the founder of the Women's Lockerroom Foundation.